So JoeyWaffles hates shopping in general but he REALLY despises grocery shopping. A lot of people do because you have the browsers who stop every two seconds, the slow movers, the picky people in the deli line, etc. Going to a grocery store during 5pm-8pm during the week is brave of you and forget weekend shopping, it’s all a nightmare. In my single days I did the 1am shopping on Saturday night with the Orthodox folks in my old neighborhood and it was a breeze. These days though, we always end up doing our shopping on Sundays. Daring and reckless you might say but that’s when we run out of groceries and it means I get fresh salmon for dinner.
You buy a dress and she suddenly has the same one. You eye a purse and the next day, she has the more expensive version of the one you wanted. Something good happens to you and you text her and she’s nowhere to be found except she keeps updating her facebook. Suddenly things are feeling a lot less Carrie Bradshaw and much more Regina George.
3) She loves when you’re down but when you’re happy…she’s gone. This is simple. She’s always there for you when you’re down and you think this is amazing. What a great friend, always trying to give you advice and help you out with all of her “wisdom”. Then you get a promotion or engaged and suddenly she’s “super busy”. She wants to feel superior to you and when you’re happy, she feels insecure and threatened.
4) She does #3 because she’s insecure and masks it as in control. This is the root of a frenemy, the insecurity. You have to love yourself before you can love others and this bitch does not love her self. This is the part where you almost want to start feeling bad for her…until you remember how mean she can be. You can feel bad she has self-esteem issues (too low or too high, which stem from too low) but putting yourself in her path isn’t good for anyone but her. Because remember, letting her trim your hair and then seeing she’s taken 4 inches off, that ho ain’t nobody’s friend and she’s lucky she was holding the scissors and not you. I mean…continuing on…
It’s always sad to lose a friend but the scales of life say that if something is making you more unhappy than happy, like Queen B says,”to the left , to the left”.
Thanks to JoeyWaffles, I am out of the dating game and hallelujah for that. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed dating and the single life but I was always a long term kind of girl. I am not that old but dating now seems so hard! Dating when you’re in your twenties in the current social climate, yikes! I have seen a lot of articles popping up on dating from dealbreakers to power struggles and the qualities that matter in a mate, and there is a lot going on. Being me (and having once wanted to be a certified relationship and sex therapist) I have some strong thoughts/opinions and advice. So many people I know are dating and looking for mr/mrs right and wondering why they keep meeting the wrong types. Wondering why you’re a catch and still single?
I’m gonna break it down for you, using some old school adages with new school philosophy.
1. Never chase deals, streetcars, and a woman/man. If someone wants you, they want you. Plain and simple. When a person wants you in their life, they call and text and make it happen. If they can’t handle this simple communication and have issues, ask yourself why you want them. If they can’t even be a friend to you, why want them for a partner? Obviously people have issues and everyone ALWAYS has a reason why this doesn’t apply to them but at the end of the day, it’s just a fact. You call people you want to see and make them a priority. Someone might be worth it and like you but if they don’t call you for weeks and you see them out and about, it’s you they don’t want to see. Move on.
2. To find a prince, you have to kiss some toads: I believe Foxy Brown said this and she’s right. Not every kiss or date is going to be perfect and it shouldn’t be. Life is all about experience and sure, there are people who got lucky their first kiss was their last first kiss but that’s a rare case these days. Going out with a guy for a drink and having a kiss that taste of bourbon and mystery, why the hell not. Having a list of expectations and limiting yourself to an ideal type just closes off the amount of people you meet. You may not like short guys with tattoos and a nice smile but go out. Have a drink or tea. Maybe you don’t click with him but the waiter is your type or his friend. Or you just make a great new friend. Does this mean go out with anyone who asks, absolutely not. But if someone intrigues you, is respectful, interesting and seems like a good person and you feel comfortable take a chance. Even toads offer the experience of learning what you don’t want.
3. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire: Trust your instinct. That’s it. If you think you’re a side piece/they’re lying/something isn’t right, you’re probably right. Go with your gut. If you want to know, ask. If you get evasive answers and there’s a pit in your stomach, don’t ignore it. Oprah said the only mistakes she’s made were when she didn’t trust her instinct and well, she’s Oprah so I believe her and so should you.
4.Opposites attract: So this is a funny one because I think it over simplifies things. People who say this to justify relationship problems can be downplaying the real issues. On the surface a lot of thing can be opposite but your core beliefs need to mesh and be on the same wavelength. Your morals, ethics, and who you really are, that matters. What music you like, tattoos, favorite foods, they all play a role but it’s what you believe that should not be opposite. So while surface opposites might attract, don’t apply this to everything.
5. All you need is love: Ha. If it was only it was that simple. Love is great but it doesn’t pay the bills. You also need respect, commitment, time, laughter, and on and on.
6. You’ll find it when you stop looking: You know why this works? Because when you love yourself and are happy and satisfied with your life, you stop looking. You know you don’t need anyone to be complete you. Before you can be in a relationship and love someone else the way deserve, you need to love yourself first. I love JoeyWaffles more than anything…except myself. I love me more and that makes me all the better as a partner. It’s the biggest cliche but it’s absolutely true…unless you find your soul mate online dating and then, go you!
I just attended a creative brainstorm session for work and the topic was joy. We had to figure out what brought the world joy, personal joy, and a joyous experience without using the most obvious answers of friends and family. Luckily this is my blog and so I can talk about the examples of friends and family although I love thinking outside the box so the work brainstorm was fantastic.