advice, dating, food, groceries, grocery store, joeywaffles, relationship advice, shopping, weekend

The Girlfriends Guide to Grocery Shopping with Your Guy

So JoeyWaffles hates shopping in general but he REALLY despises grocery shopping. A lot of people do because you have the browsers who stop every two seconds, the slow movers, the picky people in the deli line, etc. Going to a grocery store during 5pm-8pm during the week is brave of you and forget weekend shopping, it’s all a nightmare. In my single days I did the 1am shopping on Saturday night with the Orthodox folks in my old neighborhood and it was a breeze. These days though, we always end up doing our shopping on Sundays. Daring and reckless you might say but that’s when we run out of groceries and it means I get fresh salmon for dinner.

So how do I get in and out of the grocery store and still have a smiling JoeyWaffles?
1. Have a list. Have.A.List. Seriously. I don’t think I can stress this enough but nothing will annoy your guy more then having to wander around and listen to you think out loud. He doesn’t care what you’re having or who’s coming over, he just wants to quickly pass by the produce section where old ladies are examining their fruit as if it’s a priceless piece of art and their lives depend on the perfect cantaloupe.
2.  Organize your list by store layout.  Most grocery stores have a similar layout when you walk in: produce, deli, meats, dairy, bread, etc on the perimeter. The insides have the dry goods. Try to group your list by department so you aren’t running all over the store, back and forth and pissing off all the people following the grocery cart flow. This way you can route yourself like GoogleMaps wouldDon’t be like mapquest and make a twenty minute trip into forty-five. (did I really just reference mapquest and date myself? sure did. 31 represent.)
3. Do not linger. Get in. Get out. Stick to your list and don’t talk to strangers. Just find your items and move on. Simple. Efficient. You want to debate between which goat cheese is better, do it on your own time. Otherwise throw both in the cart and think while your pushing your way to the next product. You can always give it back at the register BUT don’t do this with all items and makes someones jobs harder by having a bunch of go backs.
4. Throw something in the cart just for him. We all know bribery works so throw in his favorite juice, a big steak, maple bacon chips, Angry Orchard, whatever floats his boat. He’ll be happy to have a treat and I appreciate having a 6’4 guy who can grab things and move people out of the way for me.
5. Let him pick the checkout lane. At least if he picks wrong, it’s on him. Plus, all I really care about is the candy selection and choosing between People magazine or the National Enquirer. 
In all seriousness, these rules aren’t just for your guy/partner/significant other who hates shopping. These rules apply can apply to you as the grocery store hater or for your solo trips.
After all, you can just make #4 a treat for yourself.
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advice, frenemy, friendship, love, relationship advice

The NoShoPo Signs You Have a "Frenemy"

It starts. Maybe you met through a mutual friend, maybe it’s a new co-worker, maybe you take a class at the gym together. A common joke, a favorite tv show or cult movie, you “click”. You’re smitten.
No, it’s not a new boyfriend. 
I am talking about a new girl friend to bond over RHONJ, Couples Therapy, and the fact all your other friends are getting married/having babies/etc. A girl who reminds you of your grade school best friend combined with your college roomie. You start doing everything together and it’s like you’ve known each other forever. Soon enough you become besties and are crying on each others shoulders and telling inside jokes and know each others Starbucks orders. Because really, the older you get, the less people you have that magic spark with and so you try to keep it when you find it.
Then something happens.

You buy a dress and she suddenly has the same one. You eye a purse and the next day, she has the more expensive version of the one you wanted. Something good happens to you and you text her and she’s nowhere to be found except she keeps updating her facebook. Suddenly things are feeling a lot less Carrie Bradshaw and much more Regina George.

So how do you know who’s a bad apple? A toxic friend? How do you identify a frenemy?

1) Backhanded compliments. Does she says things like “I mean…if you like it…”? Remember, the pauses and tone are VERY important here. She’s not telling you to trust your instinct, she’s basically telling you it’s hideous but “too polite” to say so. First, if she’s really your friend, she’ll you straight up if it’s ugly or that she’s jealous if it’s amazing. No hidden messages. Second, if she tells you “you’re so lucky you don’t care how you look and can eat whatever you want”, she is calling you fat when she should probably be the one putting her McDonald’s down. Slow your roll bitch, I do care what I look like and if you think I need to lay off the Sprinkles cupcakes, just say so. 
2) Delusional but think she keeps it real. She’s the kind of girls that pins things instead of just saying them to your face.She think’s shes a take charge lioness but when she get’s confronted acts like an injured kitten.  She prides her self on being honest but will never tell you what she really thinks about you-she’ll just tell everyone else and when it gets back to you, swears it was misinterpreted. She’s delusional, about her looks, life, her changing opinion to reflect her current man and deep down she knows she’s a basic bitch, So she’ll do anything to project that on you or any other close friends.

3) She loves when you’re down but when you’re happy…she’s gone. This is simple. She’s always there for you when you’re down and you think this is amazing. What a great friend, always trying to give you advice and help you out with all of her “wisdom”. Then you get a promotion or engaged and suddenly she’s “super busy”. She wants to feel superior to you and when you’re happy, she feels insecure and threatened.

4) She does #3 because she’s insecure and masks it as in control. This is the root of a frenemy, the insecurity. You have to love yourself before you can love others and this bitch does not love her self. This is the part where you almost want to start feeling bad for her…until you remember how mean she can be. You can feel bad she has self-esteem issues (too low or too high, which stem from too low) but putting yourself in her path isn’t good for anyone but her. Because remember, letting her trim your hair and then seeing she’s taken 4 inches off, that ho ain’t nobody’s friend and she’s lucky she was holding the scissors and not you. I mean…continuing on…

It’s always sad to lose a friend but the scales of life say that if something is making you more unhappy than happy, like Queen B says,”to the left , to the left”.

advice, dating, happy, joey waffles, love, love lessons, north shore poor, relationship advice, single, soul mate, taylor swift

North Shore Love Lessons (or this is why you might be single)

Thanks to JoeyWaffles, I am out of the dating game and hallelujah for that. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed dating and the single life but I was always a long term kind of girl. I am not that old but dating now seems so hard! Dating when you’re in your twenties in the current social climate, yikes! I have seen a lot of articles popping up on dating from dealbreakers to power struggles and the qualities that matter in a mate, and there is a lot going on. Being me (and having once wanted to be a certified relationship and sex therapist) I have some strong thoughts/opinions and advice. So many people I know are dating and looking for mr/mrs right and wondering why they keep meeting the wrong types. Wondering why you’re a catch and still single?

I’m gonna break it down for you, using  some old school adages with new school philosophy.

1. Never chase deals, streetcars, and a woman/man. If someone wants you, they want you. Plain and simple. When a person wants you in their life, they call and text and make it happen. If they can’t handle this simple communication and have issues, ask yourself why you want them. If they can’t even be a friend to you, why want them for a partner? Obviously people have issues and everyone ALWAYS has a reason why this doesn’t apply to them but at the end of the day, it’s just a fact. You call people you want to see and make them a priority. Someone might be worth it and like you but if they don’t call you for weeks and you see them out and about, it’s you they don’t want to see. Move on.

2. To find a prince, you have to kiss some toads: I believe Foxy Brown said this and she’s right. Not every kiss or date is going to be perfect and it shouldn’t be. Life is all about experience and sure, there are people who got lucky their first kiss was their last first kiss but that’s a rare case these days. Going out with a guy for a drink and having a kiss that taste of bourbon and mystery, why the hell not. Having a list of expectations and limiting yourself to an ideal type just closes off the amount of people you meet. You may not like short guys with tattoos and a nice smile but go out. Have a drink or tea. Maybe you don’t click with him but the waiter is your type or his friend. Or you just make a great new friend. Does this mean go out with anyone who asks, absolutely not. But if someone intrigues you, is respectful, interesting and seems like a good person and you feel comfortable take a chance. Even toads offer the experience of learning what you don’t want.

3. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire: Trust your instinct. That’s it. If you think you’re a side piece/they’re lying/something isn’t right, you’re probably right. Go with your gut. If you want to know, ask. If you get evasive answers and there’s a pit in your stomach, don’t ignore it. Oprah said the only mistakes she’s made were when she didn’t trust her instinct and well, she’s Oprah so I believe her and so should you.

4.Opposites attract: So this is a funny one because I think it over simplifies things. People who say this to justify relationship problems can be downplaying the real issues. On the surface a lot of thing can be opposite but your core beliefs need to mesh and be on the same wavelength. Your morals, ethics, and who you really are, that matters. What music you like, tattoos, favorite foods, they all play a role but it’s what you believe that should not be opposite. So while surface opposites might attract, don’t apply this to everything.

5. All you need is love: Ha. If it was only it was that simple. Love is great but it doesn’t pay the bills. You also need respect, commitment, time, laughter, and on and on.

6. You’ll find it when you stop looking: You know why this works? Because when you love yourself and are happy and satisfied with your life, you stop looking. You know you don’t need anyone to be complete you. Before you can be in a relationship and love someone else the way deserve, you need to love yourself first. I love JoeyWaffles more than anything…except myself. I love me more and that makes me all the better as a partner. It’s the biggest cliche but it’s absolutely true…unless you find your soul mate online dating and then, go you!

The best part? No matter how rational and heart smart we try to be,
Taylor Swift says it best:

“If you have enough natural chemistry with someone, you overlook every single thing you said would break the deal”