So the last few weeks I have been extremely off track with my eating. I found myself at Buffalo Wild Wings at 11pm eating and putting money into a crane machine even when I knew it might be broken just so I wouldn’t have to go home. When I realized I was there, in the moment, at a place that had caused me to gain so much weight while in an abusive relationship and I hadn’t eaten it in 8 years, I knew I needed help to get back on track. With JoeyWaffles’ brother staying with us, I find I’ve been eating emotionally because I’m unhappy and this is NOT a pattern of behavior I want to fall back into.
When I gained all the weight (80+ lbs) that lapband and health/fitness helped me lose, it was because I was in an incredibly unhappy and abusive relationship for 2 years. Eating was comfort and I lived with an unhealthy eater who made me eat bad stuff at all hours of the day and night. Finding myself back in those patterns, even for a week or two is TERRIFYING. I refuse to let myself go in that direction and I refuse to let someone else put me there. I am in control of my actions and I need to keep myself on track, I am not going to get fat and blame anyone else when I can use my resources to stay on track.
Since I obviously know this is an issue, I am doing my best to stop it in its tracks. I went to my trainer on Friday morning and started crying and was having a rough go of it. Being the amazing guy he is, we didn’t train but instead sat and talked about what was going on. He gave me the advice of seeing a nutritionist who could help me with a more fine tuned diet and just some help and guidelines. He knows some but he is a trainer and not a nutritionist. Everyone on FB and instagram these days is a self proclaimed nutrition expert but I have great insurance with BCBS via my work so I am going to use it and go to an expert. Hopefully I’ll be able to look at where I can improve my diet, curb my sweet tooth, and make sure my body is processing everything correctly. As you can to the left, I still am at a good weight, am smiling, and happy to be proactive about my health and attitude.
Besides the nutritionist, I am also going in for a blood test ordered from my regular doctor who I saw at a checkup a few weeks ago. He wants to make sure all my vitamin levels are good since I haven’t had this tested since I had my lapband done in 2012. Investing in my health means making sure I actually do what the doctor needs me to do and make sure I am taking care of myself.
Max (my personal trainer) and I talked about what workouts I’m currently doing, how many calories I can eat to lose weight and getting tone. So I am making sure I got to the gym at least 4 times a week for 45 minutes of cardio and then also see him one day for weights and toning. Two of the times I do cardio I will add a day each of upper and lower body. I will work with the nutritionist on what to eat while working out. I want to rely on real foods and not protein shakes but maybe that’s a mistake.
While the bad is the eating because I am unhappy, I am just proud of myself for catching this early and changing it. I know having his brother here isn’t the worst but it’s really hard to share a place with someone I have nothing in common with and where every night I don’t know if he’s going to tell me he’s coming back at 7:30 or 9:30. I’ve gotten to the point where I just go out and then he has to come home when I get there, I don’t shorten my plans. It’s only for 2 more weeks about so luckily I can just count the days down.
It’s funny because Instagram can be amazing in this process and sometimes awful. Seeing how many people are busting their ass and working out and seeing results is so inspiring. It shows me that if I keep going and stay dedicated, results will happen and it’s a journey, albeit sometimes a long one. Sometimes it’s totally discouraging to see how many people lost weight naturally and then I feel like a failure with my lapband. Granted I keep my band pretty open right now and don’t have it as restricted as it could be but still. Sometimes it’s just hard to see some seriously jaw dropping transformations. But the thing is, I have to remind myself not to compare myself to anyone because we are all different and on our own journey’s.
Overall Instagram is a huge help and inspiration and I love that we are all on a journey and get to cheer each other on. When girls who look so healthy and lean and gorgeous talk about feeling fat and like they were at 300lbs and show that it can be hard for them, I feel such a kinship and that I’m not alone. It feels like a sisterhood and makes this journey so much easier.
This weekend I was able to get a hold of myself and make good decisions and keep on keeping on. I visited with my beautiful grandma Friday night and had a wonderful time just hanging out. She had a stroke last year and it’s been really hard on her as she was completely mobile before and now has loss of her right arm and leg. Thank goodness she still has her mind, her humor, and her smile. Saturday I treated myself to a great mani/pedi followed by making steak and a pie for JoeyWaffles. His bother is gone until Monday so that relazed me a bunch. Sunday we cleaned up the house some, went to get couples massages, had a quick sushi snack and then ended up at Cooper’s Hawk for a great dinner. The massages from Heavenly Massage were fantastic and I love that they end with a steam shower. Seriously, steam is so good for the pores.
What did you do this weekend? What are your fitness/health tips to staying on track?