life, life lessons, relationship advice

Happy happy joy joy?

I just attended a creative brainstorm session for work and the topic was joy. We had to figure out what brought the world joy, personal joy, and a joyous experience without using the most obvious answers of friends and family. Luckily this is my blog and so I can talk about the examples of friends and family although I love thinking outside the box so the work brainstorm was fantastic.

Really what’s on my mind is what brings me joy…and what doesn’t. I find myself struggling to understand and being really frustrated about people who don’t share in others joy. I want the best for myself and my friends and I can’t understand why others wouldn’t also feel this way. It’s not about being better then others or having more or having less, it’s simply about wanting the best for the people you love…right? Now I realize that haters are gonna hate but sometimes people don’t even realize they are this way. The truly believe they are good, kind, joyous people who are above reproach. Basically delusional. Which is a little bit scary but in the non threatening way ya know? So I can accept people this way but it doesn’t make me like them much. 
Sometimes it just plain sucks when you really like the person and that part comes and you see it and you try to pretend it’s not there and it works for a while and then BAM! it sucker punches you and then you remember that they are really self centered. OH! Just read this Ellen quote and this sums it up! 

“It’s what anyone experiences when you find that person that gets you, wants to take care of you, wants the best for you. We’re really lucky because we know how rare it is.” 

Wants the best for you. That’s what a true friend is. They want whats best for YOU, no what they think it is or what they want it to be or how it best serves them…but for you. Yes, her quote was about her wife Portia but that sentiment applies for friends too I think. I love my boo because he’s my best friend (Bianca is my sister from another mister) and because I can tell he genuinely cares about what makes ME happy, not what he thinks should make me happy or what he feels good giving but about my feelings. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for asking my friends to be the same and neither should you.
I just wish that instead of worrying about their needs and what makes them happy, they would worry about the other person. Also, please do NOT pretend you have my best interest at heart when you just want me around because of your needs. I can see through it and it’s very apparent that you want what you want, when you want it. I hate that attitude when I’m dating and I definitely don’t want it in a friend. 
The hardest part is weighing out someones character, which at that point, can you really take it personal? I don’t think you can. I mean, if you accept them, warts and all, then you understand that it’s their nature and not a personal attack. This could sound like justification, an excuse to condone toxic behavior but I think acceptance of behavior doesn’t mean I am going to just roll over and let it be. I think it means that I figure out a balance that works for me. Balance is the key to anything in life and like I said, for me accepting that some things aren’t personal makes it a lot easier to live with in peace.
I sometimes feel bad because *knock on wood* my life is really great. Does that mean I have no problems? That everything is easy everyday and I don’t hit stumbling blocks, absolutely not. I just think my attitude is pretty great and so is Joeys so any issues that come up, i.e. work, house, friends etc we just take in stride. This blog is called North Shore Poor so duh, money is a bit of an issue as I continue to budget and prioritize. It isn’t always easy but it feels great being responsible. Today I was asked what my fav phone apps were and I said “FB, Instagram, and Chase” because I love paying my bills from my phone.  I mean, I text Joey how happy I am when payday comes and my car payment is paid, my phone, bills, etc. On the recommendation of Jenny, I created an excel files for my bills which I love doing and filling out.
Wow total tangent! Really though I am trying to live a more balanced healthy lifestyle and that includes my physical, mental, and emotional health. I want a healthy mental state of peace and joy with a steady emotional health and a strong body. The strong body means healthy eating and healthy activity. No lie, I am actually feeling pretty awesome working out 5 days a week. 3 days of cardio, a day of yoga and a day of a toning class. Yes, I am lucky enough to have the time and a really great gym membership ($167 for the year at LA Fitness through my membership since 1994…it was transferred from my brother to myself). My amazing CEO provides his yoga instructor to us once a week and it’s incredibly relaxing and hard and worthwhile. Packing healthy lunch options with the boo has really helped too. 
I believe that my actions affect the outcome of things and that people make their own luck. Bad things don’t always happen, sometimes they can easily be avoided by not making consistent bad decisions. I used to attract a lot of chaos and my bad choices affected future situations and it seemed like bad luck but looking bad, it wasn’t luck. It was not being prepared.
Life is journey and as I prepare for yoga in an hour, I am loving where it’s going. I know that there will be setbacks, there always are but I know I can handle them. Money can be tight with unexpected bills but I have a support system and started a savings account to manage the tough times.              
“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.” 


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